Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize