she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
