The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
