So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize