these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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