Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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