apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
