Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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