I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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