How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
