my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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