My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
