one two three fourrrrnication!
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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