I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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