I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
