The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
