She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
