if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We have started to decorate penises.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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