those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
