The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
you made out with another girl for some wings
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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