im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize