I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
