you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Can you bring me the toilet please
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
