He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
