im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
