wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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