I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
