just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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