What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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