so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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