So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
