i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
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