You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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