everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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