Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The cops high fived after they tackled you
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
