sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
