omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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