So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
