I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
