my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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