I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
