Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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