There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
wat bout pragnant strippers??
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
