It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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