i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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