I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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