Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
