sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
