Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
