that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
