Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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