Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
