About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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