So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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