He passed out mid-signature
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
