Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
