ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
