Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
