Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize