we have officially mastered the walk of shame
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
