we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
