when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
