i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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