Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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