Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(606): View more from Kentucky

are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too

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(616): View more from Michigan

David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?

(773): View more from Illinois

Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian

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(503): View more from Oregon

The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.

(717): View more from Pennsylvania

So for us it's double that?

(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Precisely.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals

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(301): View more from Maryland

The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.

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(740): View more from Ohio

Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?

(1-740): View more from Ohio

oh shit.

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