i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
