I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
