I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
