I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
