why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
sex in a hospital.. check
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
