I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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