After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Boobs speak an international language.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
