I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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