I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
it hurts more in the daytime
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
