I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
