3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
All the doctor said was why
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
