He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
