she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
