i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
