If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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