My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
