how can u be prego again
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
