I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
