I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
