Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
