does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize