When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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