Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
