I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
